180 Days In: Still Becoming
or How I learned to have Anxiety and live again: Part II
Mental Health Update: Key Takeaways
I’m learning to name what’s hard without needing to fix it immediately.
That shift alone has made the work on my inner world possible.Neurodivergence continues to shape how I move through life—and I’m finally letting it teach me.
Not just about productivity, but about grace. Not downplaying, but acceping.Mindfulness and spiritual practice are my current lifelines.
They’re not perfect, but they’re mine. Evolving.This isn’t a comeback story—it’s a “still becoming” story.
And I’m learning to be okay with that.
It’s been six months since my last update—and six months since any ER visits. That alone feels like a milestone worth honoring!!! But more than that, I’ve felt a deep shift in my spirit. I’ve been reignited in my faith with God, and I fully believe that the pain in this journey was a calling to return to Him. Not as a fix, but as a foundation. That return has reframed everything.
I’m now in therapy every other week, in maintenance mode. Day 180 of Zoloft. The medication manages the symptoms well, but the work of managing anxiety is still mine. It’s a partnership, not a pass. And I’m showing up for it.
What is my current state of mind? Imagine a parkour course. Not the flashy kind—just a series of obstacles I know I can navigate if I remember my tools and follow my routines. Some days I land with grace. Other days I belly-flop into the foam pit. But I keep going. After the many doctor visits and specialists, it’s good to really be left with a manageable anxiety and a manageable fatty liver.
What’s been hard to name? That being in the second half of life brings both hope and humility. There are still many great times ahead, but my body needs extra care. That truth has softened me.
My neurodivergence has shown up more lately—I’m more easily distracted, needing frequent reminders and gentle nudges. It’s not a flaw; it’s a rhythm I’m learning to honor.
I’ve relearned a love of books—deep-diving into health, AI, parenting, and more. It’s like rediscovering a part of myself that had been waiting patiently in the margins.
What’s helping: therapy, prayer, and medication. The Liven app for CBT. Mel Robbins for motivation.
What’s not helping: some things I’ve had to let go of, even though they still tug at me.
Healing, for me, is no longer about a cure—it’s about a mindset. I eat a healthy diet to stay on top of my Fatty Liver and hopefully reduce it. All the other specialists—Gastroenterology, Cardiology, and Urology have been cleared. I’m still debating whether to be evaluated for Autism, weighing the benefits against my health anxiety.
What do I wish people understood? I remain a work in progress.
To anyone in a similar place: I see you.
What am I still figuring out? How to journey through the holiday and winter season without a recurrence of last year’s events. That’s the quiet work ahead.
But I am blessed that there IS work ahead!