The day we became officially mortal
Planning for the Worst
There are certain milestones in adulthood that feel like they should come with a soundtrack. Buying your first house, meeting your child for the first time, or realizing you now own three different kinds of ladders.
And then there’s the day you sit down, in your early forties, with your partner, your coffee, and your shared sense of “Are we really doing this,” and you create your wills and health directives.
It’s not glamorous.
It’s not Instagrammable (outside of legal circles).
But it is one of the most quietly loving things you can do for your family.
Especially when your family includes an adopted child whose security depends on clarity, intention, and the two of you being the grownups you promised you’d be.
Why We Finally Did It
We didn’t wake up one morning thinking, “You know what sounds fun? Confronting our mortality before lunch.”
It was more like:
We’re in our early forties.
We have a child who deserves certainty.
We have a house, a life, and his future to think of.
And we realized that not making these decisions is still making a decision, just a MUCH messier one.
So we sat down and did the thing.
A Surprisingly Smooth Experience
We used Trust & Will, and honestly, they made the whole process feel less like a legal obstacle course and more like a guided conversation.
What worked well
They walked us through each section in plain language.
They helped us find a notary and witnesses without us having to wander the neighborhood like Victorian orphans asking strangers for signatures. This did take them time to find someone in our more rural area, so consider that. Tip: You can use your own notary as well.
The documents were organized, clear, and easy to download and store.
It felt like a service built for real families, not just people who already know what “per stirpes” means.
Other options we considered
Because every situationship is different, and every family has its own comfort level with DIY vs. professional help, here are the other routes we looked at:
Other online services like LegalZoom, and FreeWill.
Local estate attorneys who can tailor everything to your state, your family structure, and your specific needs. This is how we would handle forming a Trust if we selected to do so.
Hybrid approaches where you start online and then have an attorney review the documents. This seems like it would be the most costly.
There’s no wrong choice. There’s only the choice that fits your life, your budget, and your tolerance for legal jargon.
The Conversations You Don’t Expect
Here’s the part no one warns you about.
Creating wills and health directives isn’t just paperwork but a series of conversations that feel like someone turned the lights on in a room you didn’t realize you’d been avoiding.
Give it time.
Topics that came up for us
Who would care for our child if something happened to both of us
How we want medical decisions handled if we can’t speak for ourselves
What “quality of life” means to each of us
How we want our assets handled (important even when the bank technically still owns everything).
What we want our child to know, feel, and remember
These conversations were tender, uncomfortable, clarifying, and strangely bonding.
It’s like emotional CrossFit.
You don’t enjoy it while it’s happening, but afterward you feel stronger and slightly proud you didn’t pass out.
Pros of Getting It Done
Peace of mind that our child is protected
Clarity for the people who would step in if needed
Fewer unknowns during a crisis
A sense of partnership in facing the hard stuff together
A documented plan instead of a cloud of assumptions
Cons (Because Let’s Be Honest)
You have to talk about death which was hard with my health anxiety.
You have to imagine scenarios you’d rather not
You may discover you and your partner have different instincts
It can stir up old fears or unresolved questions
You will absolutely wonder if you’re doing it “right” even though there is no perfect version
But here’s the thing:
Avoiding the conversation doesn’t protect you from any of that.
It just delays it until a moment when you’ll have far less capacity to handle it.
What Surprised Us Most
We expected the process to feel heavy. And parts of it were.
But there was also something deeply grounding about it.
Something that said:
“We are here.
We are a family, however oddly shaped!
And we are taking care of each other in every way we can.”
It’s not romantic in the traditional sense.
But it is a kind of love that grows roots and is focused on our child.
If You’re Considering Doing This Too
Here’s what I’d tell you, from one early-forties parent to another:
Start the conversation even if it feels awkward
Use a service that makes sense for your life
Ask questions until you understand what you’re signing
Don’t rush the emotional parts
Remember that this is an act of love, not fear
And celebrate afterward because you earned it
Maybe with ice cream.
Maybe with a nap.
Maybe with the quiet satisfaction of knowing you just did something profoundly responsible.
Whatever you choose, let it be something that reminds you that planning for the worst is really just another way of protecting the best parts of your life.
As You Find Me (AYFM) is where Brad Hachez - a visionary neurodivergent creator - explores tech, faith, health, & life. Join the journey to streamline productivity, deepen relationships, & reflect on purpose with resilience, presence, and servant-hearted growth.